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"I'm a walking eating disorder": Framing and Collective Identity in Eating Disorder Support Groups.
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Koski
Page 9
Christine says that she has a hard time with people trying to force food on her. She explains that her grandmother always tries to feed her cookies, and she feels like she cannot say no without coming off as a “bitch.” Even if she just had lunch, her grandmother will not take no for an answer. Eileen [the facilitator] offers that some people have a “feeding disease.” She describes her own grandmother, who “shows her love through food and god forgive you if you aren’t eating.” “That’s how some people show their love,” Eileen explains. She further comments, “And sometimes you just have to explain that you recognize that, but you aren’t going to take love in that form.” Christine responds, with dismay, “I just wish I had a way to say it without seeming so bitchy.” “Sometimes you’ve gotta be a bitch,” Kathleen interjects immediately. Nods of affirmation can be seen around the room. Veteran Sarah adds, “My therapist always tells me feelings are fact. If you grow up in a family where people are always telling you that you overreact, you need to learn to say, ‘No, I don’t. This is how I feel and it’s a fact.”
Kathleen’s comment declares that it is acceptable for women to say no and to express anger.
Christine and Kathleen’s use of the word “bitch” implicitly acknowledges the duality of feeling
rules with respect to gender, and further recognizes women’s anger as deviant. As the classic
saying goes, what is assertive for a man becomes “bitchy” for a woman. In employing the term
“bitch,” Kathleen’s specifically sanctions women’s anger. Both participants’ nods of approval as
well as the seconding of a veteran participant, Sarah, affirm Kathleen’s declaration. With the
support of the group, Christine comes to recognize not only that her anger is valid but also that
its expression is acceptable.
Group leaders are also critical in leading participants to label anger. Consider the
following excerpt from my field notes:
Hannah discussed her “frustration” with her mother. She recently confronted her mother for failing to attend an open support group, who simply replied that Hannah had never asked. Hannah told her mother that she felt as if she did not want to go. Hannah expressed further frustration with her family’s failure to acknowledge her eating disorder during a recent visit to her grandmother’s home. Hannah commented, “[My grandmother’s] almost 90, but she’s a nutritionist…so I thought she’d understand.” Hannah continued to explain that she had attempted to explain her food plan to her grandmother, but her grandmother simply replied, “But you’re not bulimic dear…you don’t have a problem. You’re fine.” Hannah explained to the group that eating disorders run rampant in her family, but nobody talks about it. She continued to add, “and [my grandmother’s] the queen of it.” Eileen, the facilitator, quickly interrupted Hannah’s tale of frustration. Eileen first commented, “Since anger is a big step in recovery…”, allowing the phrase to trail
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Koski
Page 9
Christine says that she has a hard time with people trying to force food on her.
She explains that her grandmother always tries to feed her cookies, and she feels
like she cannot say no without coming off as a “bitch.” Even if she just had
lunch, her grandmother will not take no for an answer. Eileen [the facilitator]
offers that some people have a “feeding disease.” She describes her own
grandmother, who “shows her love through food and god forgive you if you aren’t
eating.” “That’s how some people show their love,” Eileen explains. She further
comments, “And sometimes you just have to explain that you recognize that, but
you aren’t going to take love in that form.” Christine responds, with dismay, “I
just wish I had a way to say it without seeming so bitchy.” “Sometimes you’ve
gotta be a bitch,” Kathleen interjects immediately. Nods of affirmation can be
seen around the room. Veteran Sarah adds, “My therapist always tells me
feelings are fact. If you grow up in a family where people are always telling you
that you overreact, you need to learn to say, ‘No, I don’t. This is how I feel and
it’s a fact.”
Kathleen’s comment declares that it is acceptable for women to say no and to express anger.
Christine and Kathleen’s use of the word “bitch” implicitly acknowledges the duality of feeling
rules with respect to gender, and further recognizes women’s anger as deviant. As the classic
saying goes, what is assertive for a man becomes “bitchy” for a woman. In employing the term
“bitch,” Kathleen’s specifically sanctions women’s anger. Both participants’ nods of approval as
well as the seconding of a veteran participant, Sarah, affirm Kathleen’s declaration. With the
support of the group, Christine comes to recognize not only that her anger is valid but also that
its expression is acceptable.
Group leaders are also critical in leading participants to label anger. Consider the
following excerpt from my field notes:
Hannah discussed her “frustration” with her mother. She recently confronted her
mother for failing to attend an open support group, who simply replied that
Hannah had never asked. Hannah told her mother that she felt as if she did not
want to go. Hannah expressed further frustration with her family’s failure to
acknowledge her eating disorder during a recent visit to her grandmother’s home.
Hannah commented, “[My grandmother’s] almost 90, but she’s a nutritionist…so
I thought she’d understand.” Hannah continued to explain that she had attempted
to explain her food plan to her grandmother, but her grandmother simply replied,
“But you’re not bulimic dear…you don’t have a problem. You’re fine.” Hannah
explained to the group that eating disorders run rampant in her family, but nobody
talks about it. She continued to add, “and [my grandmother’s] the queen of it.”
Eileen, the facilitator, quickly interrupted Hannah’s tale of frustration. Eileen first
commented, “Since anger is a big step in recovery…”, allowing the phrase to trail
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