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Sally relayed her experience with her mother’s death. Her mother’s oncologist
told Sally she should return home, which Sally deemed a sign that the situation
was serious. Sally did fly home, and her mother was in the hospital for two weeks
before she passed. “At first, I just cried and cried,” Sally explained. She
continued to add, “…and then I started to feel like I had to get it together. I had to
get in control. By the time she died, I had it completely together.” Sally further
explained that she delivered her mother’s eulogy without shedding a tear. After a
pause, Sally commented, “Everyone was congratulating me. ‘You’ve got it so
together. We’re so impressed.’ People were basically praising me for shutting
down. I should have been upset. My mother died.”
In this example, Sally both recognizes, and condemns, society’s prohibition against feeling.
Although not immune, she clearly acknowledges the irony in receiving praise for failing to feel
at your own mother’s funeral. The group validates Sally’s condemnation efforts by affirming her
shock at her family’s comments. Upon further reflection, Sally adds, “I’m always that one that’s
positive and optimistic, telling people to look at the bright side. They don’t know how to deal
with it when I’m angry,” recognizing that her anger disturbs the status quo. Again, Sally pauses
to reflect. She then continues, “My friend’s aren’t always talking about their feelings…or
expressing themselves, but then again, they don’t have eating disorders.” The eating disorder
legitimates participants’ emotional expression.
Of even greater interest is the way in which participants learn to accept and express
anger. Anger is a particularly important emotion in enabling feminist mobilization (Hercus
1999). Personal story telling (Cain 1991) teaches and reminds participants, both new and old,
that not only is it acceptable to feel anger, but it is acceptable to express it. Deirdre, a veteran
member, comments to the group:
I’m actually at the point now where I have to ask myself, ‘How do you feel?’
Recently, I’ve been finding that I’m angry a lot. I’m not sure where this rage came
from, but it’s there. I have a tendency to just stuff everything inside me until one
little thing sets me off. I’ll blow up at a co-worker…but you know what…it’s okay
to be angry. It might not okay to express it in a way that’s going to get you fired,
but it’s okay to be angry. That’s what I’ve learned.
Deirdre’s comment teaches new members, while reminding veteran members, that emotion,
particularly anger, is healthy and acceptable.
Participants further sanction women’s anger specifically. Consider the following
example, excerpt from my field notes:
Convention